EVERYTHING
FOR YOUR FAMILY
Mother Knows Best
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I’ve discovered something I wish I knew a long time ago: There is no such thing as quality time. It’s a myth, contrived to ease the guilt of too-busy parents. Oh sure, you can try to make yourself feel better by blocking out a couple of hours with your kiddos, giving them your undivided attention, but I am here to tell you that if THEY are not in the mood to spend that time with you, it will be anything but quality. I’ve found that the best times with my children have occurred spontaneously. There were times when they felt like giggling, or cuddling, or, as they are now older, simply talking. They were unplanned occasions, unscheduled moments, and more often than not, a bit inconvenient. For example, the last time my 19-year-old decided to hang with me, it was at 9 p.m. and I was trying to finish a column. Reading glasses on, leaning into the monitor, I was on a roll. I had momentum going. My story was coming together. He, on the other hand, had no agenda as he came into our small home office and laid down on the floor. Hands clasped behind his head, ankles crossed, he stared at the ceiling. He just wanted to hang out near me. Any mother of a teenager knows that when that occurs, you go with it. I hit the “save” key, took off my glasses, spun around in my chair and said, “What’s up?” “Nothing,” he said. And he meant it. Nothing was up. “How’s your anthropology class going?” I asked. “How is work… How’s the car running?” He answered each question, throwing in a detail here or there that I was unaware of. I caught up on the girls he’s dating and his plans for the weekend. It was no Disneyland moment. There were no revelations. We just chatted because this was a good time for him. And I was lucky enough to be there when he was ready. Recently, a new mother asked me how to calm her baby who was keeping her up all night. She was exhausted and frustrated. “Don’t fight it,” I told her. “Go with it. At 2 a.m., no one is expecting you to do chores or to work or to do anything else. You have the gift of precious moments to commune with your baby, just the two of you, uninterrupted.” It was sage advice given to me some 18 years ago when I had the same question. The lesson: Unscheduled moments of a timeless quality beat quality time any day. |
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