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I told her he was at the dentist having oral surgery. She said, "Oh, so they're just gonna talk about it?" READ MORE
Your Family @ Home
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It's that time of day. Our work is done, the outside world falls away and we reunite with loved ones over a hot meal at the dinner table. It's the stuff of Norman Rockwell paintings - good food, good conversation, good cheer. Ask anyone living in today's boisterous, bustling society and they will tell you that such a portrait of family life is near fiction. The reality is much different. If you were to peek inside as the average American family returned home in the evening, you would more likely see backpacks and ties flung across the table, shoes strewn across the floor and a frantic human crush at the refrigerator. While some might refer to it as pure chaos, perhaps a better, softer term for this time of day is the "transition hour." It is that hazy, crazy time when weary parents and their children drag home from work and school and set about becoming a family again. Kathy Laferney of Temecula, the mother of four young children, admits that the transition hour "is the time of day I have the most difficulty in keeping sanity. I feel like I am being split physically and mentally in about 10 directions at once. Add to this, the unexpected phone call or a sandbox feud; it's just a very difficult time of the day to make it through without losing my patience." Indeed, the task at hand is not an easy one. Bosses, co-workers, classmates and show-and-tellers must reconfigure themselves into the role of dad, mom, brother or sister. It may seem like a perfectly natural transformation, but such a shift is challenging for everyone! Toddlers shed tears of release. Teens express rage and temper with little instigation. And parents, already worn down by the demands of work, struggle to muster the energy to begin their "second shift." Shape your own family life It doesn't have to be this way. Believe it or not, there are ways that you can ease these disparate parts into a family again. Read on for some very practical solutions to the "Family After 5" dilemma. • Unwind before you hit home: In "What to Expect the Toddler Years," Arlene Eisenberg, co-author of the famed series, suggests that "a parent's five o'clock frenzy tends to fuel a toddler's. So try to spend a few minutes unwinding before you pick up the kids or walk through the front door." Listen to soothing music on the way home and take deep breaths - anything that will help you find peace and calm before the real work begins. • Set the tone for a pleasant evening: If the squabbles start just as soon as you walk through the door, send everyone to his own corner. Call it a cooling-off period where kids and grown-ups can go to their own rooms to read, relax and unwind. • Change into comfy clothes: It makes a clear and distinct separation from the outside world. Sweats, shorts, flannel pants and slippers have a way of making everyone feel at home. • Fill up on nutritious foods: Eisenberg reminds her readers that "a toddler's tummy runs on a different timetable than that of an older child or adult (and) asking her to hold off her dinner hour until you're ready to eat may be asking too much." Set out a healthy, sliced and diced, ready-to-eat fruit and veggie platter. And offer ice-cold water bottles, appropriate for the end of the day. • Determine an appropriate time for friends and neighbors to visit: The distraction may just add to the confusion and can detract from family time, mealtime or homework. • Take the phone off the hook: In fact, free your kids and yourself of calls from the office, telemarketers or persistent friends. • Establish a homework routine: Since every child is different, choose the best way to address the homework dilemma. Some kids need very little motivation to sit down and do their work, while others require the promise of a snack or outside play. Implement a strategy that works best for your kids and then hold to it! • Sit down and talk with your children before you jump into chores and dinner preparations: Rehash the day, talk about any problems that have come up or just laugh, tickle and tease. Or, as Eisenberg wisely offers, "Dish out lavish portions of love and attention." • Be prepared: Put together some quick and easy crockpot meals in the morning before you zip off to work. Why slave over a hot stove, peeling and chopping and boiling, with a ravenous crowd tugging at your sleeves? Those few extra minutes each morning will spare you the rush at night and help move the family into the dinner hour. • Use paper plates and napkins to cut down on cleanup: The time can be better spent reconnecting with your family and will eliminate the arguments over who must clean the dishes. • Throw out the routine! (occasionally, anyway): Order pizza, or better yet, go out to a restaurant. Take a meal to the park or let the kids do their homework and have a snack on the patio. The change of pace will keep things fresh and fun and give you a much-deserved break from dinner duties. • Plan a movie of the day: Admittedly, sometimes "zoning out" in front of the television is hard to resist. But, the zany antics and screwball sounds of today's cartoons create their own brand of discord. You can exert some control over what they're watching with a 10-minute detour to the video rental store. Choose shows that have a mild appeal. • Don't forget the healing power of music: A collection of Brahm's lullabies played softly as the children work on homework or a lively jazz beat can provide a happy, festive feel to the night. • Plan an outdoor activity (weather permitting): As the days get longer and the weather gets warmer, a little fresh air before dinner might be just what you need to shake off the day. Plan an activity - a walk around the block or a game of catch in the back yard. • Expect tears or temper: Validate frustrations and offer a comforting shoulder to lean on. Remember that just as you have faced difficulties in your workday - demanding supervisors and moody colleagues - so, too, have your children. Even little ones endure their own kind of stress. Don't be alarmed or angry if they "blow off steam." • Talk it out: If you have real concerns about the confusion at the end of the day, call a meeting and express those feelings. There's no doubt that today's family portrait has evolved. And, while family life may not always be picture-perfect, we can remain intact with a healthy mix of love, patience and realistic expectations. With such a great recipe for harmony, you can't fail. Kerri S. Mabee of Temecula is a freelance writer and mother of three children. Searching for support? Websites: betweenfriends.org - Helps moms "take control of their time, home, money" and more! southernfood.about.com/mbody.htm - For more than 1,400 crockpot recipes that can be easily thrown together for a great meal. cooksrecipes.com - Offers free recipes and features hundreds of family favorites. abcparenting.com - Another comprehensive source for great parenting. Books: "Making Healthy Families" Gayle Peterson, M.S.S.W., Ph.D., Shadow and Light Publications, January 2000. $17.95. "The Successful Child: What Parents Can Do to Help Kids Turn Out Well" William M. Sears, M.D., and Martha Sears, Little, Brown & Company, March 2002. $16.95. "What to Expect the Toddler Years" Arlene Eisenberg, Heidi E. Murkoff, and Sandee E. Hathaway, B.S.N. Workman Publishing Company, Inc., November 1996. $16.95. |
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