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Juggling? Here’s how to level the playing field As a working parent, some days the closest I get to “balance” is successfully hoisting my son onto my hip while keeping my laptop bag on my shoulder and holding the cell phone to my ear with my free hand – all without tipping over onto the pavement. OK, so it’s not that bad. But having a sense of humor about the blur of working and parenting gets me through the rough spots. Most days, when my 1-year-old sighs sleepily in his crib and I’ve shut down the laptop to crawl into bed with a parenting book, I actually feel like I’ve stopped juggling and started balancing. What are the secrets to achieving balance between work and family? It’s a running conversation I have with friends and work buddies. Below you’ll find only a few of the many ideas I’ve heard, but they’re a start. And sometimes a start is all you have time for. Schedule a daily appointment with your kids. Every weekday, I am focused on my son from 5-7 p.m. No phone calls, no email, no cleaning and no paying bills allowed. Does that mean I eat late? Yes. Does that mean I don’t return some email and voicemails until after 7 p.m.? Yes. Does that mean my son can bank on quality time with mom every day? Yes. It wasn’t easy to set that boundary and I was afraid of disappointing others. But once I set expectations with friends, family and co-workers, I was pleasantly surprised that, without exception, they all respected that sacred time of day. Ask for what you need. Before Marcy Smith of Huntington Beach had her second child, she knew her 50-hour workweek was no longer relevant. So she presented a flexible 30-hour schedule. Smith’s credibility at the company helped her get approval for the proposal. Now, she spends Wednesdays with her infant daughter and can help in her 7-year-old’s class. She has time to get her errands done so her evenings are spent with her kids, and she can dedicate time to extra activities, like being team mom for baseball and staying active in their family’s church. “It has allowed me the best of both worlds,” Smith says. “I get to keep doing what I love to do at work and have time to dedicate to my kids. It gives me peace of mind and lessens the guilt I felt when my son was little and I was working full time.” Take a day. Call it a personal holiday or, as a former co-worker of mine named it, a Mental Health day. In the balancing act between work and family, one person often gets shorted – you. So take a day off every couple of months to just be in the moment. It’s not a day for rushing around or getting a bunch of errands done; keep it simple and fun. It’s for relaxing, re-energizing and reconnecting. Pick your child up from school for a surprise lunch date, or surprise them for an afternoon at the movies. Take a couple hours in the morning to get a massage at a local day spa. Or head out and play 9 holes of golf in peace. Date night. Sometimes individual relationships get lost when we focus on quality family time. Schedule time to nurture those relationships one-on-one. I have a friend who does mommy-and-me and daddy-and-me dates. Every couple weeks, one child enjoys a special outing with one parent. Mealtimes provide an opportunity to talk and reconnect. Or, activities like miniature golf can be great bonding breaks. No friends, no phones, no distractions – just a good, old-fashioned date. Also, remember to schedule a mommy-and-daddy date too! Simplify your schedule. So often we add other extraneous stresses to our already packed lives. Saying “no” to social engagements, multiple volunteer opportunities or leadership positions in organizations can be tough. But scaling back your schedule allows you to focus on what’s really important in your life. If you have multiple opportunities, consider picking one that allows your children to participate so you can maximize your time together. Turn off the television. It sounds trivial, but television sucks up time – a precious commodity for working parents. Our productivity soars on TV-free nights, helping us get through our to-do’s to leave more time for want-to’s. On TV-free nights, my husband and I flip on some music and actually have time to talk. Plan ahead. Last-minute necessities can throw your entire day – and balance – off. If you pride yourself on thoughtfulness, like Julie Doleman of Fullerton, special occasions need to be celebrated. But sometimes an extra stop at the store to pick up a card or gift seems like moving mountains during the morning rush to daycare and work. Doleman’s solution is simple: Keep a stack of cards for birthdays and special occasions at home. She stockpiles wrapping paper, gift bags and ribbon. You can also keep gift cards and other small gifts on hand just in case you forgot about a classmate’s or co-worker’s birthday. Doleman also has learned to grab good stuff when she sees it. If she runs across a must-have gift in a catalog, she orders several and stores them up for birthdays or holidays. These may sound like a small things that lead to a stuffed closet, but planning ahead allows Doleman to bring smiles to people’s faces on important days without rushing around at the last minute.m Jennifer Leuer of Orange is a longtime reporter. |
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