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Teen Years (13-18)
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Proms glitter in the land of plenty Spring is upon us and with it is another season when high school proms take on a larger-than-life importance for high school students. As teens start planning and primping for these most revered coming-of-age rituals, parents and school administrators worry about the potential dangers associated with proms, primarily focusing on sex and alcohol that often accompany these events. But now in today’s world, where girls carry Prada purses to school and 16-year-old boys own cars of their choosing, there’s a concern that an obsession with hyper-materialism preys on the high school prom. Prom prep During the weeks leading up to prom, the following steps are recommended. Parents should: • Initiate dialogue about appropriate expectations and decision-making. • Encourage their child to go with a large group of friends. • Suggest ways they can earn extra money to pay for the event, especially if they’re hoping to have a lavish prom experience. • Point out that dresses could be borrowed from siblings and friends. • Offer to host a formal sit-down meal at their house, instead of having the teens go to an expensive restaurant. On prom night: • Ask your child to check in by phone. • Stay up until he/she returns home. Frightening facts [1.] According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, more than half of all fatal traffic accidents on typical prom and graduation weekends involve alcohol. [2.] The average teen spends $587 on prom-related goods and services. Gone are the days when student committees stayed up late to decorate the gymnasium or boys borrowed the family station wagon to escort their date and spent $40 to rent a tux. Proms today are held in four-star hotels; girls often spend close to $1,000 on dresses, hair and nail appointments; hotel suites are booked for after-prom activities; and Hummer or Excursion limousines are the preferred modes of transportation. “The prom is just one more example of a consumer event that directly affects our teens,” says Amy Best, a sociologist at George Mason University and the author of “Prom Night: Youth, Schools, and Popular Culture” (Routledge, 2000). Best notes that as marketers have recognized that this is a large consumer niche, we have seen everything from 400-page magazines, such as Your Prom, published by Modern Bride, to special events such as Bloomingdale’s recent It’s Your Night events, where girls received free prom makeovers and gold mesh clutches if they purchased a regular-priced prom dress. According to Best, with more disposable income and guilty feelings for not devoting enough time to their children due to work demands, parents are often responsible for contributing to this atmosphere of excess. After all, kids don’t control the checkbook when it comes to the prom, their parents do. What teenager can afford a $1,000 Versace gown or a suite at the Hyatt for hosting a post-prom bash? It’s this preoccupation with materialism that prompted several private schools on the East Coast to cancel their high school proms. In a letter to 489 parents explaining his decision for the cancellation, one high school administrator at a Catholic high school stated, “It is not primarily the sex/booze/drugs that surround this event, as problematic as they might be. It is rather the flaunting of affluence, assuming exaggerated expenses, a pursuit of vanity for vanity’s sake – in a word, financial decadence.” The tragedy is that few, if any, would-be prom participants forgo the night and raise the same amount of money for a good cause, such as disaster relief or child abuse prevention. Psychologists agree that this display of materialism can have detrimental effects on young people who are on the brink of adulthood. Jessie O’Neill, a Wisconsin-based psychotherapist and director of “The Affluenza Project,” stresses that a constant exposure to materialism often results in “affluenza,” which can cause a wide range of negative symptoms, including the inability to delay gratification, a preoccupation with externals (clothes, cars, appearances, etc.) and a false sense of entitlement. “Unfortunately, many parents are so diseased by affluenza themselves that they pass this down to their kids,” says O’Neill. “But this is a huge mistake because as children get caught up in this financial treadmill, they will likely grow up suffering from a number of problems.” O’Neill’s research has shown that affluenza can be directly linked to depression, a greater incidence of drug and alcohol abuse, and compulsive behaviors. Parents must also not look the other way when it comes to potential risky behavior associated with high school proms. Law enforcement officials point out that prom activities often result in injuries, assaults and even fatalities. Sometimes tragedies occur even with the absence of alcohol and drugs. Last year two teenagers in Orange County were killed and four were seriously injured as they drove to a high school prom and crashed on a local tollway. The 16-year-old driver was distracted by something in the car and started swerving toward the adjacent lane. The SUV flipped several times. Proms and sex are often linked to one another in the minds of teens who view these events as a time to lose inhibitions and attain independence. The reality is that proms sometimes cause pressure for both boys and girls to engage in activities they may not really want or are ready for. “In many cases, kids have unrealistic expectations about how they should behave, which could create situations of sexual dangers for girls,” says Best. For this reason, she recommends that teens attend proms in groups, even if they have a date. Schools are also addressing these potential dangers, such as Mater Dei High School in Santa Ana, which holds an annual assembly for students regarding making good decisions on prom night. Parents also need to take an active role in discussing these issues in the weeks leading up to the prom. In spite of all the bad news surrounding high school proms, students do enjoy these events, especially the senior prom, because it marks the last time, before graduation, that students are able to spend time with all their classmates. “Many students recognize that prom is a place where friendships are celebrated and commemorated,” says Best, which probably explains why proms are such iconic cultural events that have endured over the years. Carol Daus is a freelance writer living in Huntington Beach, with her husband and three teenagers. |
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