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This month, we salute all the wonderful mothers in our lives. It’s also a time we moms should think about what we need to help us continue giving. Here’s a gift you can give yourself this year, something all moms need: a support system. Starting a support system can help you feel more balance in your life, not only when a crisis hits, but also when you’re having one of those mommy-moments, like when your 3-year-old discovers how to make the milk come out of his nose. Or when you feel so inadequate as a parent that you wish you could leave the kids in the checkout line and run into the street screaming. Who do you turn to when you need to vent? To develop your support system, first find your definition of “support.” Do you need to have someone to call at a moment’s notice for childcare? Or do you need a regularly scheduled sitter? Make a list From an accountant and lawyer, to a plumber and handyman, make a list of people you can call as needed, so no time is lost. Ask friends, associates and relatives for referrals, and within a few weeks, you’ll have a complete list. Build a community The expression “It takes a village to raise a child” can be understood, as you find yourself overwhelmed with the responsibilities of carpooling, doctor visits, social and psychological development, homework help, vacation planning and other events surrounding your child’s life, as well as your own. Because we often no longer have the support of a small town or extended family, community building must be a conscious choice. Build your community, person by person. Think about who you need in your life: friends and confidants, co-carpoolers, neighbors, a grandparent figure. Then reach out and make the first step. Surround yourself with people who will help you honor and celebrate the good, the bad, the funny, the uncertain, the confusing and the insanity of living with children. Friends change after having kids. Sometimes your circle of support grows to include more mom friends. Sometimes your circle shrinks to include fewer non-mom friends. Just be sure that your circle is sustaining your genuine and immediate needs. fam |
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