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How a brave sister saved her brother from foster care At 18, Heather Hazen had everything to look forward to. She was a freshman at UC Santa Cruz, had a devoted boyfriend and pondered a career making documentaries. The future was bright, with endless possibilities. A far cry from the dark childhood she had just left behind. Heather’s mother was an alcoholic and a drug addict on welfare who had abused and neglected her five children, half-siblings, all from different fathers. Heather was just 3 when she was first removed from her home in Los Angeles, an address Child Protective Services knew all too well. For the next 15 years, she bounced in and out of foster care and endured the heartbreak of three failed adoptions. “It’s very grueling,” she says of the state’s understaffed and overstretched foster care system whose mission is to provide safe and loving homes for abused and neglected children. But the reality is much different, she claims. “Some people who become foster parents are no better off than my mother. They’re doing it for the money.” Even worse, says Heather, foster care denies children their two basic needs – love and stability. The numbers speak volumes. The Los Angeles Times reports that of the 75,000-plus children currently under the state’s foster care program, one-quarter will become homeless, one-quarter will go to prison and one-third will be on welfare within four years of exiting at 18. For Heather, those bleak statistics hit too close to home. Three of her siblings, who became “very violent people,” are now in prison. But Heather, born of a stronger spirit and inner calling, escaped a similar fate. “I was always really different from my family.” For one, “I was the only child who didn’t start the house on fire.” The saving grace throughout Heather’s fractured childhood was the deep bond she shared with Justin, her youngest brother by eight years, who continued to live with their abusive mother in Big Bear. Somehow, he had ducked under the adar of Social Services. She’d often visit him and the neglect she observed by their mother was appalling. “I came up once when it was snowing. Justin didn’t have a coat and his shoes were two sizes too small.” But she was just a child herself and felt helpless to do anything. Years later, when Heather was in college, she came to visit Justin one weekend and everything changed. “I went from seeing the light in his eyes when he was turning 10 . . . to coming back three months later and seeing the life disappearing out of him.” She knew the abuse was slowly killing him, as t had the others. The final straw? Her mother put a padlock on the refrigerator door, which prevented Justin from eating for nearly 30 hours. Someone had called Child Protective Services and her baby brother was days away from being placed in foster care, the very system that had swallowed up her sister and two other brothers. It was unthinkable and Heather had to act quickly. With only $2,000 – an untold fortune to a college student – Heather and her boyfriend, Kushal, hired a lawyer to fight for legal guardianship. “I was told by social workers I wouldn’t win.” The courts would never award custody of a minor to an 18-year-old, they warned. In all honesty, Heather, who was carrying a full load of classes, wasn’t sure she was ready to become a single mother. “I was a complete and total wreck.” In the end, Heather did win. With the pounding of a gavel, this carefree college freshman, still a teenager, became a single mother . . . and her life changed forever. But the real work was yet to come. Although 10, Justin was 3, emotionally. “He was a very abused child. Kushal and I had to teach him how to be social with adults and kids, how to trust, how to love, how to conquer his fears.” The four years they lived together in Santa Cruz as a family were difficult and rewarding, all at once. Golden collegiate moments like football games and fraternity parties were replaced by parent/teacher conferences and counseling. But more important than creating future reminiscences for Heather was healing the emotional wounds of her brother’s past and saving what was left of his childhood. And all her sacrifices paid off. “There is almost no trace of where he came from,” says Heather proudly. She believes that without her and Kushal’s love and guidance, “He would not be far from where my other siblings are.” This past June, Heather, now 23, and Justin, 15, moved to Orange County so that “Little J” could attend high school with his cousins. Heather and Kushal broke up and it was time for new beginnings. Heather found work as an advertising coordinator/marketing associate at Churm Publishing, Inc. and Justin is growing into the well-adjusted young man his sister always knew he could be. He’s developed a passion for Japanese culture and even talks about a future in animation. Typical of any family, challenges loom ahead as Justin goes through his teens. And as a young woman, Heather has her own path to forge. “We still struggle with how do I be 23 and how do I raise a 15-year-old . . .” But they’re working it out. The interesting question, of course, is whether Heather is Justin’s sister or his mother. “His friends call me his SMOTHER,” Heather laughs at her clever new title. But all that is unimportant, really. “My goal in life is that he grows up to be a happy, healthy, un-hurtful young man.” A sweet smile spreads across her face. “He is my life. There is no me without him anymore.” Lynn Armitage is a syndicated columnist and senior writer. |
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