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“One night, my 3-year-old asked me if she could sleep in my bed. I told her no. She said, “That’s not fair! Why does Daddy get to sleep in your bed?” READ MORE
Middle Years (7-12)
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How does your son react when his friend calls to cancel a planned get-together at the last minute? Does your daughter think it’s the end of the world when she misses a couple of problems on a test? Is your child quick to see faults in others, or laugh at simple mistakes, yet is always caught off guard when someone points the finger at them? If your child is one who meets everyday disappointments with tears and tantrums, and seems to take things much too personally, you may shrug off his behavior attributing it to an overly emotional personality. But don’t completely shrug it off. It’s tempting to hope that a child will outgrow his emotional outbursts, but the truth is, it’s unlikely. There’s a much higher chance that it’s part and parcel of personality, according to Dr. Steven Richfield, a child psychologist and author of “The Parent Coach: A new approach to Parenting in Today’s Society.” That’s why it’s important for parents to recognize the warning signs when a child isn’t managing her emotions effectively and help her discover the tools to do so. Kids who routinely respond to disappointments with excessive emotion, not just when they’re having a bad day, may not only be distancing themselves from friends and peers, but during the teen years they are often seen as immature, poor sports, or academic underachievers. As hotheaded adults, at a loss for handling negative feedback, and often feeling wronged by others, the outlook is even less pleasant. “It’s critical that children enter adolescence with a repertoire of skills to manage their social and emotional lives,” says Dr. Richfield. “If they don’t, they’re at risk for a lot of problems.” So what can you do to help your child shape up an overly sensitive nature? One of the most important tips Dr. Richfield offers is to “keep your thinking side in charge.” And that goes for parents and kids alike. Simply put, it means taking time to think things through before lashing out with a knee-jerk emotional response to a situation. As a parent, try to hold back on judgments and criticism in order to keep an atmosphere for trusting dialogue with your child. In other words, to coach self-control try to model it yourself. When you do sit down for a talk, help your child remember past situations when he overreacted to disappointment and overlooked reasonable explanations for why things happened the way they did. Encourage him to find general explanations for why things don’t go as planned, instead of assuming it’s always a personal slight. The concept of keeping your thinking side in charge, rather than the reactionary side, is an easy one to understand. But to make it easier for kids to follow through, Dr. Richfield suggests helping kids come up with constructive self-talk they can use to soothe their emotions when things start to heat up. A favorite phrase is, “Step into your cantaloupe skin,” which pretty much says it all. Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg, author of “A Parent’s Guide to Building Resilience in Children and Teens,” recommends releasing emotions through healthy outlets. The key is finding the one that’s right for your child. For example, some might find themselves able to let go of emotions when they’re engaged in creative endeavors like art, music or dance. Others might simply need a buddy to talk to, or a journal where they can cut loose with a pen. As you work with your child to select the techniques that work best for her, you’re essentially helping her build up a defense to help deal with hurtful and disappointing events that may happen in the future. Disappointments are a fact of life. But by turning them into learning opportunities at this stage in life, you may be able to help your child better manage their emotions when they board the biggest emotional roller coaster of their life – the teen years. Michele Piazzoni is a regular contributor. HEALTHY OUTLETS Help children find healthy outlets for their emotions when things heat up. • Get them a journal to pen their thoughts and feelings. • Help them find a craft they enjoy. • Pencil in time each week to talk with your child one-on-one, maybe while you go out for an ice cream, or take a trip to the library. • Encourage your child to get involved in a community service project. Children with a sense of purpose tend to feel good about themselves. Source: “A Parent’s Guide to Building Resilience in Children and Teens |
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