Don’t just wing it

Wondering if this may be the summer that your kids catch a flight to Grandma’s all by themselves? If they’re between 8 and 12 years old, they can fly as unaccompanied minors. And all it takes is a little preparation on your part to make it a positive experience for everyone, says Eileen Ogintz, author of the “Taking the Kids” travel series of books.
   
Play the “What if?” game, she suggests. Ask: What if their flight is delayed and they miss a connection? What if they feel hungry or sick on the plane? Or what if the person who is supposed to meet them doesn’t show up? Then go over the answers, explaining when flight attendants can help, or when it’s time to pull out a snack or cell-phone number from their carry-on.
   
Another key to successful solo flights: Make sure that your child brings things along to entertain themselves, like a book, a game or music.
   
“Parents should remember, if they remain calm and relaxed, kids will be, too,” says Ogintz. “Treat it as an adventure.”
   
For more tips on kids traveling with or without family, visit Ogintz’s website: takingthekids.com.


Let them speak
Encourage kids to express themselves

According to my preteen daughter, I “just don’t get it!” Why? Because, unlike every other fifth-grade parent, I tell her she has to go to bed before 10 p.m. on a school night, can’t have a cell phone this year and doesn’t need another new pair of jeans right this moment. And that’s just for starters.
  
If you discover that you “just don’t get it” either, the next time your child asks for something, don’t let the conversation come to a screeching halt. Instead try to keep the lines of communication open, advises Dr. Marvin Beitner, a clinical psychologist in Fountain Valley.
   
“It’s a child’s way of letting you know they’re frustrated and feeling like they’re not being heard,” says Dr. Beitner. “It is the parents’ job to try to hear their child and understand their feelings.”
   
Encourage your child to explain exactly what it is that you don’t get. Tell them, “You may be right, but I do want to understand what you are thinking and feeling.” Most importantly, while they are talking, stay in the listener mode – that means don’t talk, really.
   
One way to “put yourself in your child’s skin” is to each make a list of what the other one thinks. For example, when it comes to the cell-phone debate, have your child list all the reasons why he thinks you don’t want him to have a cell phone, while you list all the reasons why you think your son wants a cell phone. Then take turns going over the lists together.
   
Another approach is to simply have the child write down his own list of reasons why he thinks a cell phone would be helpful, and go over the list with him, acknowledging his ideas.
   
Ultimately it’s the parent’s decision, and these exercises don’t guarantee that your child will accept the fact that they’re not getting a cell phone, warns Dr. Beitner. But it will get them thinking about your reasons for not giving it to them at this point in time, and it may improve the relationship.
   
There are many things kids and parents don’t agree on. It’s always been that way, and it always will be, says Dr. Beitner. Rather than focusing on getting agreement or acceptance, focus on keeping the lines of communication open. Simply listening to what your child has to say is often the best way to “get it.”


Turn it down!
If you can hear what your child is listening to on their iPod, tell them to turn it down! An estimated 5.2 million children between 6 and 19 years old have hearing loss directly related to noise exposure, and experts say that this number continues to rise due to personal-listening devices such as iPods and MP3 players.
     
“If the volume is not too loud, iPods are safe,” says Dr. Doug Richards of the Newport Audiology Center in Fountain Valley. “The louder it is, the less time you can listen.”

> When the volume remains at 40%, listeners can enjoy unlimited time without fear of hearing damage, according to a joint study at Boston Children’s Hospital and Harvard Medical School.
 > When the volume dial is raised to about 70%,
listening time should be capped at 90 minutes to prevent damage.
 > Just for comparison, the safe limit for a live heavy- metal concert is somewhere between seven and 12 minutes, says Dr. Richards.