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The chance to begin anew is often cherished by New Year’s revelers. Reinventing yourself through diet, exercise or education tends to top the list of parents looking forward to ringing in the New Year. As you begin to contemplate pledging to be more organized, save more money or eat more vegetables, your children are aware of your actions. As 2008 prepares to roll in, many children eagerly anticipate the chance to join the ranks of New Year’s resolution-makers. Although a child may have the best of intentions when promising to turn over a new leaf, resolutions, like many life experiences, require maturity, reflection and patience. Helping your child determine if he’s ready to set a resolution, as well as what he’d like to resolve, will help him ring in a happy New Year. Resolution readiness To determine if your child is ready to consider resolutions, talk with him to establish his expectations. Is he looking to improve an area of his life or his behavior? Does he want to expand a skill or take on more responsibility? “Many children automatically imitate the adults they overhear, who are discussing resolutions without understanding the words,” offers life coach Meaghan Duffy of Cleveland, Ohio. Spending time to understand his goals will ensure a happier New Year’s celebration. Resolution vocabulary The term “resolution” can be overwhelming and confusing. If your child is not old or mature enough to understand the word, he or she may not be ready for the pressure it commands. Establishing New Year’s rules, changes or habits without the lofty connotation of a resolution eases a child into the concept of refining himself as he develops throughout the new year. Redefining resolutions Children as young as 5 are able to begin comprehending the concept of incorporating change. Talk with an older preschooler or kindergartener about changing habits, or adding a new job to his day to help him embrace a resolution. Instead of looking at resolutions as an annual event, suggest to an elementary-age child to set weekly or monthly resolutions based on his age and interests. Discuss the possibility of teen and tweens using New Year’s as the chance to build upon a skill, develop a new hobby or improve personal “habits,” instead of focusing on assigning the term “resolution.” Resolving support “A few weeks into the New Year, my 6-year-old son was so disappointed when he realized he’d forgotten to make his bed. Because it was his resolution, he felt he’d let himself – and us – down. He failed to recognize that he was successful because he had made his bed every day for 3 weeks before forgetting,” shares Benita Ward-Thomason of Olathe, Kan. Offering her son praise for what he was able to accomplish, while helping to redirect him back toward his goal, Thomason’s approach is one that will help your child challenge himself, while being proud of himself for his achievements. Realistic resolutions Resolving to never fight with a sibling is an unrealistic but common resolution among children. Hoping to receive a better grade in science without resolving to study or turn in all homework assignments is unattainable and sets a child up for disappointment. When helping your child explore some of his resolution options, have a few helpful suggestions to spark his resolution creativity. Resolution ideas for children under 6: > Participate in the care and feeding of a pet > Brush teeth for 2 minutes twice daily > Share 1 toy every day with a sibling or peer > Practice writing vital information (name, address, phone number) Ages 7 to 10: > Expand the household duties (empty all household trash daily or weekly, set and clear table every other night or every weekend, etc.) > Begin projects that he’s always wanted to attempt, or complete those that have been set aside (i.e. tackle a 500-piece puzzle, swim a full lap, etc.) > Learn a new skill (guitar lessons, ceramic class, etc.) or explore a new sport Ages 11 to 15: > Mentor a younger sibling in sports, a hobby, etc. > Allot specific time to spend with an extended family member (i.e. grandparent, aunt, etc.) once a week/month, etc. > Designate 1 night a week as “electronic-free” Tracking resolutions Sticker charts, tallies and progress pictures help a child quickly view his accomplishment. Incorporate motivational tools and praise to propel your children to continue to strive to attain his New Year’s goal. Rethinking resolutions A child’s determination to walk the dog every day might fade after a few weeks. Committing to a number of days might be something your child needs to learn on his own. If he believes he is ready to attempt a difficult resolution, encourage him to test his abilities and limits, while stressing that revising a resolution is always an option, not a sign of weakness or failure. Prioritize resolutions A child who hopes to reduce the amount of time he spends playing video games, feeding the cat and keeping his room organized might require some creative juggling. Help him to prioritize resolutions based on his expected results. “Realizing that there are situations where it might not be possible to address all resolutions at one time will prevent a child from becoming overwhelmed,” explains child and family therapist Brian Malinowski. Sharing resolutions Marci Harris of Marcellus, N.Y., learned first-hand how important communicating resolution expectations can be. When her 3 children inadvertently opted for the same resolution, her household was in turmoil. “Last year, all 3 kids resolved to care for the new puppy. They spent an entire day fighting over who should be the one to feed him. Eventually, I wound up feeding the dog and sending everyone to their room,” recalls Harris. Accomplishing resolutions The obvious purpose of a resolution is success, but what happens when your child realizes his goal? Mental health experts, such as Malinowski, suggest encouraging children to continue to set new or higher standards for themselves regardless of the time of year. “If a child fulfills his resolution to learn to swim, guide him to consider strengthening his swimming ability instead of resting of his victory laurels,” he urges. Gina Roberts-Grey is a frequent contributor. |
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