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On the right side Being a positive coach should be the only option It’s easy for the coach of a youth sports team to become obsessed with winning. A winning record keeps players and parents happy, right? So the coach focuses on his top players, the ones he thinks are most likely to help him win. The new and developing players languish on the bench. They’re support staff. Through a strange paradox, the coach who is most focused on winning can have the least happy team. Today, the Positive Coaching Alliance (PCA) is out to take some of the pressure off of these coaches. PCA encourages coaches to honor the game first, praise players next, and obsess over wins and losses later. The PCA believes that this kind of coach makes sports more rewarding for youth athletes. It sounds good in theory, but do such coaches really exist in the competitive sports environment of Orange County? To find out, I went searching for a local coach whose primary focus was not to win games but to create a positive environment for all players. To my surprise, I met an outstanding example of positive coaching almost immediately. Sportsmanship still matters I attended a meeting for my son’s new football team. The coach, Tim, introduced himself and proudly declared that four of his five previous squads had won the Team Sportsmanship Trophy. This is an award that the league gives to the team with the best game behavior throughout the season. Coach Tim told his players and their parents that the Sportsmanship Trophy means more than a first-place finish. To him, a victory with poor sportsmanship is as bad as a loss. I decided to watch Coach Tim over the next two months, to see if his coaching techniques were similar to those recommended by the Positive Coaching Alliance, and to see how his team responded. My conclusion is that this self-proclaimed champion of good sportsmanship instinctively employed positive coaching techniques with impressive effectiveness. He also helped my 11-year-old son and his teammates improve as football players and have a blast at the same time. The essence of positive coaching Below is the PCA’s description of a positive coach: • He focuses on effort rather than outcome. • He focuses on learning rather than comparison to others. • He recognizes that mistakes are an important part of learning and fosters an environment in which players do not fear making mistakes. While not ignoring the teaching opportunities that mistakes present, he teaches players that a key to success is how one responds to mistakes. • He sets standards of continuous improvement. According to the PCA, positive coaching revolves around three techniques: Honoring the Game, Filling the Emotional Fuel Tank, and Redefining Winner. Below are some real-life examples of these techniques in action. Using these, any coach should be able to conquer the notion that “winning is the only thing” while creating an honorable, memorable, and happy sports team. Honor the game Members of Tim’s team often give sincere praise to players on the other team after a great play. They shake hands with the refs. They thank their parents at the conclusion of a game. Coach Tim asks the boys to display these behaviors and they do, because of the way he honors the game of football. “We’re so lucky … we get to play football!” Tim yells out at practice. “You’re not home doing yard work, you’re not cleaning your room. You’re playing!” Fill the emotional fuel tank Coach Tim is a high-fiving, cheering, compliment-spouting ball of coaching energy. On the other hand, a coach who spouts only criticism drains a player’s emotional fuel tank. When that happens, the player’s enthusiasm for the game grinds to a halt. The Positive Coaching Alliance says that, to keep a team’s emotional fuel tanks full, a coach should say five positive things for each negative criticism Redefine winner To a positive coach, any player who gives a valiant effort and fails, and comes back to give another valiant effort, is a winner. Each player is given many chances to prove himself, and each is applauded for his or her efforts. Although not all of us can exude the requisite amount of energy for this constant verbal reinforcement, I guarantee that a coach can create a visibly more enthusiastic and upbeat team by redefining winner. Find victories to celebrate for every player, rather than complimenting only the top three or four players. Dr. Thomas Tutko of California was one of the very first sports psychologists. His book, “Winning is Everything and Other American Myths,” was written 30 years ago but remains relevant. In a recent interview in Wave Magazine, Tutko said that American sports are in a state of crisis due to the current overemphasis on winning: Youth sports have moved from the Character-Building Stage, where the emphasis was to teach kids how to become better citizens, to a Win-At-All-Costs Stage. He said, “If there’s one thing our culture can’t stand, it’s losing.” David Kries writes from Mission Viejo; his website is davidkries.com. BE POSITIVE! DO’S & DON’TS Don’t: • Focus all your attention on the best athletes. • Be narrow-mindedly obsessed with winning. • Forget that youth sports are more about learning than results. • Shout instructions to your child from the sidelines (as a parent). • Complain loudly about calls by referees and umpires. Do: • Encourage parents to honor the game. • Have two goals: to win, and to teach positive life lessons. • Ask your best athletes to help their teammates learn skills. • Praise the coach when you see positive coaching in action (as a parent). • Cheer for good plays by both teams and not just your own. |
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