EVERYTHING
FOR YOUR FAMILY
KID
QUIPS
“One night, my 3-year-old asked me if she could sleep in my bed. I told her no. She said, “That’s not fair! Why does Daddy get to sleep in your bed?” READ MORE
First Years
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Why is the catalyst for the conception of children – romance, tenderness, sex – so absent in the lives of couples once they welcome babies into their love nests? It certainly seems counterintuitive that the products of our affection should stand (or crawl) between us, but that’s until I consider that babies defy the laws of logic, common sense and of medical science. These pint-sized wonders become the epicenters of our lives and have a way of making us smile and coo as our lives shift suddenly from the known to the unknown. So, how do you do your duty as a parent without sacrificing your bond as a couple? It’s a question that three women put their heads together to answer, soliciting input from hundreds of other moms and dads who faced a similar predicament. The culmination of their intuition, experience and research is “Babyproofing Your Marriage: How to Laugh More, Argue Less, and Communicate Better as Your Family Grows” – a worthwhile read for parents who don’t want to lose that loving feeling. Authors, wives and mothers Stacie Cockrell, Cathy O’Neill and Julia Stone shared similar beefs with their spouses when it came to the division of labor in their households, the demands of in-laws and the most sensitive subject of all – their post-parenthood sex lives. There’s tremendous comfort in the universality of experience. Trust me and them, you’re not the only one whose marriage met its match when baby made three. A copy of “Babyproofing” by her bedside, physiologist Rebecca Romo of Lakewood believes the key to negotiating the mire of marriage after kids is “at the most fundamental level about communication, communication, communication.” Wife and mother of a two 2-old daughters, she counsels her patients with new families on the importance of talking it out. “I often hear the, ‘He just doesn’t get it!’ comment. And I tell my patients, you have to go back and explain it over and over again until he does get it. It’s got to come in a way that’s not spiteful, that lets him know I really want you to understand this.” Men may be infamously inept at communication, but we women must shoulder our share of responsibility in setting up roadblocks to a healthy, happy marriage. A card-carrying member of the My Way Is the Right Way club, I can relate to a common criticism of mommies. Often desperate for relief with household chores and child-rearing, mothers tend to alienate their would-be help mates. “It’s really important for moms to recognize that men do have skills,” Romo says with a laugh. “They are genetically, biologically and socially different from moms, but they have something unique to offer.” So what if he’s color blind and the baby’s clothes don’t match. He dumped the diaper pail, saved you a trip to the market and played hide-and-seek with junior for an hour. Don’t sweat the small stuff; allow your spouse to learn and grow as a parent without fear of retribution from you. The best decision I ever made as a mom was to let my husband develop his own, separate relationship with our son. The more time he spent alone with the baby, the better he was able to relate to my frustrations and joys as a mom. Children test the mettle of a marriage, but they also remind us it’s love that got us into this mess after all. Two years into my journey of parenthood, I try to obsess less and appreciate more. Giving up on being the perfect mom and the perfect wife meant I was free to be perfectly happy with myself and my family. S. Danyelle Knight is a regular contributor. |
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