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First Years (0-2)
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Get ready for Baby No. 2 If you’re waiting around for the perfect time to have a child, I’ve got news for you: There’s no such thing. No matter how much research you’ve done, how much money you have in the bank or how accommodating your home, babies have a habit of turning life, as we know it, upside down. What’s true of Baby No. 1 is equally true of Baby No. 2, but that doesn’t keep parents from forming opinions about the best time to bring a baby brother or sister into the world. If you’re crazy enough to entertain the thought of having another child, and I was, then the question turns to timing. There are plenty of sensible considerations to take under advisement if you’re the planning type. Then again, that old ditty from Robert Burns rings all too true when it comes to children. At some point “your best-laid plans” are bound to go awry. That didn’t stop my husband and me from seeking opinions from other families about the ideal time to try for another child. Maybe their advice can help steer your baby-making in the right direction. The 4-year plan Arguably, the more mature and forward-thinking couples we canvassed suggested staggering siblings according to the assumption that each child would receive a 4-year college degree funded by dear old mom and dad. Spaced 4 years apart, you’d only be responsible for 1 scholar at a time. How very smart, considering a college education is likely to cost hundreds of thousands of dollars by the time Junior graduates high school. However, the algorithm doesn’t take into account a future Casanova who is more concerned with cute co-eds than graduating on time. Get it over with On the opposite end of the spectrum are parents who believe it’s wise not to emerge fully from the chaos of the first child before considering a second. Maybe they believe if they took a time-out from baby-making, they’d get cold feet, so they commit to a steady stream of spit-up and dirty diapers, all-nighters and high-chair food fights. Based on this strategy, children can share swings, highchairs, toys and clothes. These stair-step siblings are closer in age and may become more bonded to each other as they grow up. I see the logic here, but going this route is not for the faint of heart. One kid in diapers at a time Around age 2 or 3, life starts to get a little easier for parents. Sure, there’s potty training, temper tantrums and veggie phobia going on, but our babies are ready to be big girls and boys. Many children start preschool, affording a nice break for stay-at-home moms. They’re content to spend the evening with grandma or a babysitter, so mom and dad can commit to an occasional date night. Words replace grunts, as they are able to better communicate their wants and needs. For some parents, it’s the perfect time to turn their attentions to bringing a baby on board. One caveat to consider: formerly only-children may want to kick the new-kid-on-the-block to the curb. Whether you go with a particular strategy or choose to let nature run its course, you’ll find a way to make room in your life for a second child whenever you’re lucky enough to get a visit from the stork. It’s bound to be a little rocky in the beginning, so if you’re going to prepare, prepare for this. Rally the troops to support you and your family when the new baby arrives. Arrange for friends and family to help with meals and household duties for a week or so after the baby is born. Plan for childcare to allow you time to recuperate and bond with your infant. Months before the big event, include big brother or sister in fun preparations for the baby and talk about how important his or her new role will be. And don’t forget to plan some one-on-one time with your spouse to fall in love again before you both take another plunge into the unknown. S. Danyelle Knight is a regular contributor to OC Family Magazine. |
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