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First Years
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Reading signs Clues your baby leaves at home By S. Danyelle Knight Now that my son is officially a toddler (he walks, he "talks" and he gets into everything), I look back on his infant days with a certain degree of longing. What a sweet little bundle he was swaddled in his blue blanky, unable to argue with me at mealtime or wreak havoc on our mostly tidy home. What I don't miss about those early days was our inability to effectively communicate with one another. It took weeks, plenty of sleepless nights and a few crying jags before I was able to decipher the difference between his sleepy cry and hungry cry, his angry outburst and needy whine. Even when I thought I had become an expert at reading his signs, he would throw me a humbling curveball. I've come to realize my heart was in the right place, but I just wasn't a good listener yet. As with many of parenthood's lessons, learning to decode baby's signals comes after much trial and error. No two babies are alike. So it only stands to reason that each infant will have his or her unique way of communicating. There are, however, certain universal hints babies send us clueless caregivers to help decipher their language. Crying 101 In a section of a new parent primer, "What to Expect The First Year," entitled, "Cracking the Crying Code," the authors provide insight into the meaning behind baby's wails, shrieks and whimpers. They suggest the "hungry" cry is "a short and low-pitched cry that rises and falls rhythmically and has a pleading quality to it." In contrast, the "in pain" cry "begins suddenly (usually in response to a stimulus - for instance, the jab of a needle at shot time) and is loud (as in ear-piercing), panicked, and long." Overtired or uncomfortable babies respond with "a whiny, nasal, continuous cry that builds in intensity." The "sick" cry is the most heartbreaking in baby's repertoire sounding, "weak and nasal with a lower pitch than the 'in pain' or 'overtired' cry." If you're a new mommy, all of this will sound like utter nonsense (it did to me on the first reading); however, after months of listening to my own son's deafening wails, this is one cheat sheet you can count on. Coos, gurgles, smiles Now this is what you signed up for, right! Nothing delights a mother's heart more than seeing her baby smile back at her for the first time (even if it is just gas). When your baby begins to coo and gurgle, he's telling you everything is OK. Stop worrying, if just for a moment, and make eye contact with your little one. Play a game, read a book or sing to him. Your baby will love seeing your face, hearing your voice and knowing that you are giving him your undivided attention. Even newborns are processing the information they get from us to develop self-confidence, social skills and the foundation of academic skills like reading and problem-solving. Talk to your infant and mimic the "words" he says in response. Follow his lead and play games that elicit more of those irresistible baby smiles and chuckles. Non-verbal clues to baby's state of mind In addition to crying and cooing, baby has more discreet ways of getting his point across. When he smiles and stares intently at the pages of a book as you're reading, he's saying, "I dig the sound of your voice, mom, especially when you make that goofy duck noise. Those are some really cool colors. Turn the page!" When you tune in to his body language, you'll also notice what happens when he becomes uncomfortable, anxious or bored. If your baby arches his back or turns his head away, it's your cue that he's had enough to eat or is ready for a change of pace. If he clings to you in public places or when visitors stop by, be sensitive to his signal that he feels threatened and needs a little reassurance from mom or dad. Learning how to communicate with your baby is not easy and it takes time, but it's an investment that pays off over time. Since it requires patience and persistence, keep in mind that you will need time off from the task of code breaker to enjoy speaking your own language. You may find, as I have, that being sensitive to your tiny baby's signals makes you a better communicator when it comes to the big people in your life. S. Danyelle Knight is a regular contributor. |
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