EVERYTHING
FOR YOUR FAMILY
KID
QUIPS
“One night, my 3-year-old asked me if she could sleep in my bed. I told her no. She said, “That’s not fair! Why does Daddy get to sleep in your bed?” READ MORE
First Years
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Why is the catalyst for the conception of children romance, tenderness, sex - so absent in the lives of couples once they welcome babies into their love nests? It certainly seems counterintuitive that the products of our affection should stand (or crawl) between us. These pint-sized wonders become the epicenters of our lives and have a way of making us smile and coo as our lives shift from the known to the unknown. The majority of couples confess to losing that loving feeling when they bring baby home from the hospital, at least for a while. And there are dozens of reasons for the decline in romance. We women have just been through one of the most physically demanding experiences of our lives. As one mother put it, “I felt like I had been hit by a Mac truck.” Our emotions run the gamut of unbelievable joy to unexplainable sadness. The 24-7 ritual of raising baby has our energy levels sagging as low as our once rotund bellies. We have little time for our husbands and even less for ourselves. Dads aren’t immune to problems of the heart. They are struggling to adjust to 3 a.m. feedings, to seeing their lovers transform into mothers, and to losing their spouse’s full attention. Exhausted from the demands of home and work, and more often than not deficient in the communication department, they may bottle up feelings of isolation, confusion, and envy. The truth is this: Your love life, just like everything else in your world, will change with the birth of a child, but that’s no reason to close the bedroom door on romance. With a little work, you and your partner can discover a deeper, more passionate connection. Remember, love for each other is what got you into this position in the first place. They say it’s a virtue, but I cannot speak from experience when it comes to patience. Still, I know it’s a trait I must acquire if I am to be a good wife and mother. Nothing tries your patience like the perpetual demands of a newborn, but if you can take a cleansing breath somewhere between the 20th diaper change of the day and the evening’s three-hour fit of colic, it will help you regain your sanity perhaps long enough to stare longingly into your spouse’s eyes and laugh instead of cry. Having patience with yourself and your significant other will help you relax when the burdens of babydom seem overwhelming. Realize that it may take awhile for you to have the time or the energy for a romantic interlude. Give yourself permission to rebound at your own pace, and don’t place unrealistic expectations on your partner. That being said, romance cannot be left up to chance. Just like your scheduled visits to the pediatrician, you’ll have to plan check-ups on your love life. Steal away a few hours to rent a movie, order in Chinese, and fall asleep in each other’s arms. Take family and friends up on their offers to babysit, then head out for a night on the town. If you can only set aside 10 minutes, resist the temptation to wash dishes or fold laundry. Cuddle on the couch instead. Regaining a healthy sex life will require patience, planning, and a little self-esteem. Moms are the ones who generally suffer most from a deficiency of the latter. It took 40 weeks for our bodies to morph into baby birthing machines, but we expect to look like Heidi Klum the day we return from the hospital. The men in our lives are generally less critical than we think, but once fixated on flab, nothing will get it off our minds. Starting a moderate exercise program can help women regain their prenatal figures while stimulating endorphins and reducing stress. Make sure you check with your doctor before you head to the gym, and don’t set yourself up for failure by expecting to fit into your skinny jeans right away. Like losing baby weight, rekindling your romance will take time. Open your heart to the world of new experiences you are sure to share with your spouse and new baby. You may find yourself swept off your feet once again. S. Danyelle Knight is a regular contributor |
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