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 The Howerton family The path to adoption contains twists, turns and a mound of paperwork, and is often riddled with legal obstacles and long waits. Always present is the end goal: a child, a family. In a joint 2007 study by The Williams Institute, the UCLA School of Law and The Urban Institute in Washington, D.C., it was estimated that half a million children live in foster care in the United States and more than 100,000 foster children await adoption. Those within the adoption community label such children as “waiting.” They are waiting for a home, parents and a family of their own. The overriding question is: Why does the process have to be so tough? On average, whether it is in-state or foster-care adoption, or placement through an international or private agency, the process can take anywhere from one to upwards of three years to complete. That’s three years when a child “waits” in an orphanage or foster home while a family “waits” for paperwork to be approved. Breaking stereotypes For Kristen Howerton of Costa Mesa, the impetuous desire to adopt struck when she was in eighth grade and read a Time magazine feature about the plight of children in orphanages. “When I got married, I shared that desire with my husband, and he was on board with it,” says Howerton. Their family now includes Jafta, 5; India, 3; Kembert, 3; and Karis, 1. The Howertons brought Jafta home through California’s foster-adopt program. Kristen and her husband, Mark, signed up with Olive Crest – a nonprofit that helps prevent child abuse, and treats and educates at-risk children. Four months after receiving certification, 6-month-old Jafta was placed in their home. However, the adoption itself didn’t finalize for more than two years. Although the Howertons were matched with their second son, Kembert, when he was 6 months old, they were not allowed to bring him home from Haiti until he was 3. In January, Kristen was visiting Haiti when the devastating earthquake hit. “The walls of the orphanage crumbled, and the children were sleeping in the driveway,” says Howerton. “There were all these kids who were ‘waiting on a signature’ in order to be placed in homes.” Kristen had to leave Kembert in Haiti when she returned home, and she started making a lot of noise for somebody – some government entity – to step in and finalize the adoption paperwork. Kembert came home a week after Kristen did, but not how the family originally planned. “He was airlifted on a military aircraft in the middle of the night,” Howerton says. But he did make it home. Howerton embodies the passion and perseverance that’s required for social justice. Whether it’s adopting a child who doesn’t have a home or sponsoring a family that doesn’t have food, “We should be helping a child in the ways that we can,” she says. From Russia with love When Sally Snyder reached her mid-30s, she knew that something vital was missing: a child. As a teacher, Snyder said she felt like she was raising every child but her own. Since she was single, Snyder had some decisions to make. “I figured I could live without a man but not a child,” she laughs. Plus, with all of the children in the world who need families, she thought that giving birth to her own would be selfish. With her Russian family heritage – she speaks the language – Sally decided to do an international adoption from Russia. At 8 months old, her daughter Alexandra had been labeled as “speech delayed,” because she lay in her bed in the orphanage, without moving. Within a month of bringing Alexandra home, she stood; two months later, she walked. With an international adoption, Sally was required to visit Russia several times. The hardest part of the process, aside from all the paperwork, was meeting Alexandra and then having to leave her in the orphanage. “After meeting the child, you have to go back to your country – without her,” says Sally. Then, the adoptive parent gets to return to pick up the child. Finally getting to leave with Alexandra was surreal. “In one sense, you don’t have the nine months to prepare,” Sally says, “But on the other hand, it takes two years for the entire process.” A battle for rights Stacey Doss first held her daughter, Vanessa, when Vanessa was only 24 hours old. Now, two years later, Doss is battling for the right to keep her daughter. It’s almost inconceivable: After filling out all the required paperwork and going through all the proper steps, Doss is in a custody hearing with the birth father. The story has garnered national headlines. At the time of the adoption, the birth mother said that she did not know who the father was. According to Doss and various newspaper accounts, the birth father served time in jail for domestic abuse of the birth mother, and he does not have custody of his four other children. “You have to be worthy of being a parent,” Doss says vehemently. “You can’t beat another child and go to jail for beating the mother of another child. You need to ask: ‘What’s best for the baby? What’s best for the child?’” Recently, Vanessa’s birth mother came forward and said that she thinks Vanessa should remain with Doss. “I’m so proud of her, because the woman is in a lot of danger,” Doss says. “She didn’t want to continue and put one more child in danger. She was beaten almost to the point of being killed; there’s something that we’re not doing for her, too.” Hundreds of supporters have written Doss, and a handful of those letters haunt her. “Whenever it gets tough, or I’ve had a really hard day, I think of those letters – three in particular,” Doss admits. The content: Three parents who adopted children and then lost those children back to a birth parent. “All three children later died at the hands of the parent,” Doss says softly. “It reminds me why I’m doing all this.” Doss didn’t set out to be at the forefront of the adoption-rights battle, but everyone told her that the odds were against her; even judges said that they couldn’t really help her because it’s a “complicated and convoluted” case. “There’s no law that says what’s in the best interest of the child,” says Doss. “Instead, all of the laws refer to children as ‘property.’ A lot of people go outside the country, and now I know why they do.” Snyder says there are not any real records of Alexandra’s birth parents; her birth mother in Russia put down a fake name and address. “Instead of backing away from the problem, we need to put our heads down and barrel through it,” says Doss. “Something is severely broken in our system, and we need to fix it.” Equal-opportunity parenting Within the last year, information was released that China was limiting adoptions: People under 30 or over 55 would not be eligible to adopt. Likewise, a couple must be married for a certain number of years and not have a body-mass index over 40. Some U.S. states look down on allowing single parents to adopt, and a few states, such as Florida, do not allow same-sex couples to do so. California has some of the most open adoption laws and prohibits sexual orientation from being a consideration in allowing a gay or lesbian couple from adopting, according to a study done by the UCLA/Urban Institute, “Adoption and Foster Care by Gay and Lesbian Parents in the United States.” According to the study, more than 16,000 adopted children are living with lesbian and gay parents in California, the highest in any state. The study goes on to discuss the advantages to opening up the process and making it easier for the GLB community to foster parent and adopt. Not only will the changes provide more homes to waiting children, it also saves the states money and offers a strong foundation. According to the study, “Same-sex couples raising adopted children are older, more educated and have more economic resources than other adoptive parents.” For those thinking about adoption, Howerton suggests that you do your research. National and international adoption can be pricey. For their international adoption, the Howertons worked directly with the orphanages in Haiti. First, contact your state’s child social services department. If you’re going through an agency, verify that it’s ethical, Howerton says. And talk with other adoptive families before making a decision. Howerton has left open the possibility of adopting a teen when she and her husband become empty-nesters. “There are numerous teenagers being passed around,” she says. “And these kids begin to realize that adoption is not going to happen. They are going to be adults with no support system, nowhere to go for the holidays and no soft place to land. “Adoption is beyond meeting the physical needs of a child,” continues Howerton. “A family goes beyond anything.” Marie Loggia-Kee is a contributor to Inland Empire Family magazine. |
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