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“One night, my 3-year-old asked me if she could sleep in my bed. I told her no. She said, “That’s not fair! Why does Daddy get to sleep in your bed?” READ MORE
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It is entirely probable that sometime this month your child will stand upon a stage amid 30 gigglers and pigtail-pullers and sing a song about snow. Bells will jingle, reindeer will shout with glee, and nights will fall silent. The kids will deliver the presumed operating instructions for the holiday season: 1) Build a snowman. 2) Pretend he’s Parson Brown. 3) He’ll say, “Are you married?” 4) Tell him, “No, man. But you can do the job while you’re in town.” 5) Don’t pout. 6) Don’t cry. 7) Give me my two front teeth. 8) Rest ye merry, gentlemen. 9) Let nothing you dismay. 10) Pa-rum-pum-pum-pum. Lastly, please don’t forget that, should you decide to make a little dreidel out of clay, you are to play with it only when it’s dry and ready. Nobody, it seems, can dispense winter wisdom quite like the kids at the pageant. It’s easy to forget that they actually have no idea what they’re singing. So ask yourself: Have you examined the words to these songs? Are there hidden messages that may be dangerous to your little ones? Here, as when discussing advertisements during “Monday Night Football,” communication is paramount. Please take the time to sit down with your child and talk about the lyrics. To help you, we have provided the holiday pageant intervention script: •Did you have permission to build a snowman? Who is this Parson Brown? Do you understand that you’re too young for marriage? •Crying, though probably not pouting, is a healthy release for pent-up emotions, and I wouldn’t want you to feel that it is inappropriate. •I have no power over the arrival of your teeth. •You can rest, merry gentleman, but only after you’ve finished your homework. •Why are you singing in a Cockney accent? •This constant drumming is irritating the homeowners association. Unfortunately, America’s schools, adrift in a miasma of cultural relativism, are unwilling to discuss these important topics. Your children may be exposed to pernicious ideas without adequate discussion of alternative theories. Are they to blindly accept that there must have been some magic in that old silk hat they found? It’s up to you, the parents, to fight back. Greg Blake Miller writes from Las Vegas. |
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