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Naughty preschoolers used to end up with time to think about their actions while sitting in the corner chair. Now, more preschool campuses than ever are giving troublesome students permanent timeouts. Being kicked out of preschools, and sometimes multiple schools, is more common than expulsion from K-12 schools, a Yale University researcher recently reported. His study, the most comprehensive to track numbers of preschool expulsions nationwide, surprised many earlier this year. But for the families who have dealt with this issue, it’s only affirmed what they knew more schools are opting to show students the door. “It was a shock to a lot of people,” says Kelly Hogrefe, coordinator for the Orange County Childcare Planning Council. “They didn’t realize it was happening. Only if you’re the parents of the kid who is expelled do you realize.” Nationwide, 6.7 preschoolers of every 1,000 are expelled, which is more than three times the rate of expulsions in the K-12 system. In California, 7.5 preschoolers per 1,000 students or one student for every 133 preschoolers are expelled. Nationally, the study also found that boys are four times as likely to be expelled as girls and older students are at greater risk. For instance, 5- and 6-year-olds have three times the expulsion rate of 3-year-olds. And 4-year-olds have a 50% greater rate of expulsion when compared with 3-year-olds. There have been many reasons offered up to explain this trend toward early expulsions. Among them, more two-parent working families in which children are craving attention; trends in parenting that don’t encourage the enforcement of limits; more children enrolling in preschool from diverse backgrounds; fast-paced society in which children are accustomed to immediate satisfaction; better diagnoses of ADD, ADHD and autism; and little training for preschool teachers in behavioral health. Whatever the cause, the results alarm many. Studies like the RAND Corp.’s recent findings show that preschool sets students up for later learning success and more productive lives (as adults, preschool graduates commit fewer crimes and have greater earning potential). But if children are booted from school or, even worse, rejected at campus after campus, the negative effect is compounded. “If kids feel like failures when they are 3 or 4 (years old), it’s not a good way to be starting school,” Hogrefe says. What’s a parent to do? Children aren’t suffering alone when preschools expel. Their parents also feel like failures, says Dr. Brett Patterson, parent group facilitator and coordinator for educator training for CUIDAR. When things start going poorly at school, they find their parenting skills under attack and often end up judged, defensive and frustrated. “That frustration feeds into how they parent, which feeds into the cycle,” he says. “The analogy I use is you develop this dance, this pattern of behaviors, this relationship you have with this child. If this dance is not really a fun relationship for your child, that’s what we’re going to work on. We find ways for you to change the dance.” Patterson works with CUIDAR, a program run by experts from both Children’s Hospital of Orange County and UC Irvine, to help families deal effectively with early childhood behavior and learning issues. They offer group trainings and a support system for families who have a child with behavioral or learning challenges. The cooperative also provides assistance on dealing with students’ difficult behavior for teachers and preschools. Patterson says children’s problematic behavior typically stems from another issue. If parents or teachers can pinpoint the cause, they can often prevent the behavior. “It becomes a cycle and you look for a way to break the cycle,” he says. “You have the most weapons in dealing with these behaviors if you know it well enough to prevent the behavior from happening. You have so many tools at that point. If you wait until the behavior happens, then the only thing you can do to decrease the behavior is to discipline and punish it somehow. You have to look at what’s happening before and understand their motivation for the behavior. Is it for attention, to get out of something, revenge? When you have all the pieces put together, you can start developing techniques for changing that pattern.” Often, the child is seeking attention, a common issue at the preschool level. Other times, they are reacting to constant negative feedback. Patterson finds that after mentioning this tendency to parents, many come back and report they were surprised to find that they spend the majority of their interactions telling their child what not to do. “It’s all, `No, don’t, stop, quit,’” he says. “What happens is we get into this pattern of constantly catching them doing things they’re not supposed to be doing. These behaviors are frustrating and you have to correct some of them, but you also have to balance this out and catch them being good. You can say, `Thank you for listening to me,’ even if they are only listening for a second.” That said, there is no one answer to stop behavior problems and it largely depends on a child’s unique situation. They could be struggling with deep issues, learning challenges or they may have slept poorly and missed breakfast. “I see parents that are completely frustrated, at their wit’s end and their kid is about to get kicked out of a preschool, and they want the magic answer,” he says. “They want the two or three things they can do to make things better. It really doesn’t exist. It’s on a case-by-case basis. They get really irritated with me when they throw out the situation and my only response is, `It depends.’” Support systems Patterson encourages parents to get involved in a support group or training like CUIDAR, in which they can talk with other families about their experiences, because they often feel so isolated. He recalls a set of parents who were told their child was the worst that teacher had ever seen. Patterson then asked the group of parents if anyone else had ever heard that, and about a third of them raised their hands. “It was almost enlightenment for the other parents,” he says. “They feel they’re the only one going through this, their child is the only one kicked out of preschool and everyone is watching and criticizing how they parent. There is so much pressure and isolation. Coming to this group, they hear everybody else talk about what they’re faced with and doing. You can just see this relief come over them when they realize, `Oh, I’m not the only one.’” Education is also key when attacking the problem, says Dr. Kiti Freier, pediatric neurodevelopmental psychologist at Loma Linda University Medical Center and Children’s Hospital. Children aren’t acting out to push their parents’ buttons there is something motivating that behavior. But, she says it’s important for parents to do more than attend a one-day lecture to figure out what’s going on and how to handle it. She recommends reaching out to a counselor, faith-based community parenting groups or trusted family advisors for help setting up limits in the home, practicing discipline and getting ideas on how to model appropriate behavior. “Actually do something where you work together to set up system in home,” she says. “Lectures alone don’t do a lot changing behavior is a lot more difficult than getting information alone.” Bottom line is parents shouldn’t feel alone or ashamed. But they do have resources to help them. “First time going through, being a parent you don’t have all the answers,” Hogrefe says. “Sometimes your parenting style is contributing to problems. Sometimes it’s more than that. Until you put your child in preschool or child care, you really haven’t seen how your child is next to other kids.” Jennifer Leuer of Orange is an education writer. Tips for Parents Bad behavior can be frustrating and tiresome, leading to a negative cycle between parent and child. Here are some ideas for creating a new environment and addressing the behavior. 1. Set schedules. This helps your child learn limits and boundaries, which gives them a leg up on school routines. You don’t have to be rigid, but be consistent. 2. Prepare students for school by enrolling them in group activities. Whether it’s ballet, toddler gym or art classes, they will learn how to work together. 3. Spend quality time one-on-one with your child. Talk to them and give them your undivided, positive attention. 4. Connect with a counselor to help you understand what’s going on. Stress in a family, missing parents, moving homes, grief, bad philosophical fit with the preschool there are a variety of reasons children turn to destructive behavior. Professionals can help pinpoint possible issues through talking and observing at school, then provide strategies for dealing with them. 5. Ask your child’s teacher to provide specific tracking of his behavior. When was she out of control? What were the circumstances when he showed physical aggression? 6. If you believe your child may be struggling with special needs, request a referral to the local school district to have her tested. Look for a program that fits your child. Is there a lot of play and activities throughout the day? This may be helpful if your child is active, which is often the case with young boys. How big is the classroom? The ratio may be one teacher per 12 students, but combined classrooms in which two teachers share 24 students can be overwhelming for some children. 7. When talking with preschools, ask what happens when a child is disruptive. You want to find schools that say they will work with parents and provide referrals to resources in the community. 8. Ask your preschool to reach out to a behavioral health consultant. These specialists can observe the classroom and help the teacher (and parent) come up with strategies for dealing with the problematic behavior. Source: Dr. Brett Patterson, parent group facilitator and coordinator for educator training for CUIDAR; Dr. Kiti Freier, pediatric neurodevelopmental psychologist at Loma Linda University Medical Center and Children’s Hospital; and Kelly Hogrefe, coordinator for the Orange County Childcare Planning Council. Resources CUIDAR www.cuidar.net or 949.824.2462 Offers training and resources for Orange County parents whose child (between the ages of 3 years and 5 years, 11 months) is exhibiting difficult behavior. YMCA Childcare Health Consultation 866.242.9622 Parents and childcare providers can call to speak to a childcare health consultant. Examples of the services that can be accessed by childcare providers include requests for onsite consultations to evaluate health and safety standards, child behavioral health observations, and staff training requests on topics such as proper hand washing, food preparation, and management of child health issues. |
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