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“One night, my 3-year-old asked me if she could sleep in my bed. I told her no. She said, “That’s not fair! Why does Daddy get to sleep in your bed?” READ MORE
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Moving Schools As summer approaches, a new campus looms Stepping onto a new campus filled with strange faces is the stuff that fuels childhood nightmares. Internet discussion boards are littered with messages from kids searching for tips on how to fit in with their new classmates. School nurses get frequent visits from youngsters complaining of stomachaches or other vague ailments that prevent them from facing the lunchtime schoolyard. Still, thousands of students successfully settle into new schools every year. The good news for these troubled newcomers is they have allies: Parents and schools can do a lot to help make that "new kid on campus" transition smooth and even easy. "School is the main occupation for kids," says Dr. Jeffrey Derflinger, a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with children and adolescents. "It's something that takes up most of their time during their waking hours. It can be extremely stressful moving to a new school, especially in the middle of the year. It's a big wallop for them." Whether children are changing schools after a family move or entering a new school as they grow older, the pressures of change and facing the unknown are often heavy. The biggest key to their success is preparation - talking about their fears and expectations, visiting the school in advance, meeting a few classmates and their teacher or an administrator before the first day. "Any anticipation of what it's going to be like and preparation for that can turn a potentially triggering stressor into more of a blip on the screen in transition of life," says Derflinger. Many Southern California districts have launched preparation and transition programs for students matriculating up to middle and high schools. And as campus bullying has gained more attention in recent years, schools are pairing older students with newcomers to help introduce them into campus life and social circles. Having a first-day friend on campus can ease jitters and instill confidence. Check to see if your child's school offers a program that pairs them with a peer. Some of these programs are scheduled around the start of fall classes while others are open to new students year-round. Several schools in Corona-Norco Unified have adopted programs in which trained students with differing interests and academic backgrounds are paired with newcomers to show them around and provide a friendly face. Having someone to answer questions or eat lunch with on the first day makes all the difference, says Dottie Reichard, health educator and school nurse for Corona-Norco. The Welcome Every Body program at intermediate school campuses like Auburndale features welcome days led by dozens of eighth-graders. Students get campus tours, learn what to expect in their first year and generally get to know what it takes to succeed in their new environment. Link Crew, a similar program at the high school level, has been embraced on several other campuses. "Especially on a campus with 3,600 kids, it's like going to college the first day," Reichard says. "Maybe you can't find your schedule or your classroom. The peer pressures are great." Helping students develop a social network early and feel comfortable in their new environment gives them the essential support they need during transitions, says Diane Perez, Safe Schools coordinator for the Riverside County Office of Education. She says successful students possess certain assets or traits, which the Search Institute has categorized as the "40 Developmental Assets." These assets range from having positive adult role models, to being engaged in school to possessing a sense of purpose and a positive view of the future. Children who aren't strong in these various areas face greater challenges. "We see kids like (that) having the most trouble adjusting to new situations," Perez says. "Your experiences fuel your belief about your ability to succeed or make friends. The more we can reach out to students, the more we can change their beliefs in their ability to be successful." Thus, programs like those offered in Corona-Norco offer students hope and courage. Perez challenges all schools to adopt transition programs and coach teachers on going out of their way to pay attention to students with a smile or friendly conversation. Regardless of a school's offerings, the family also can help a transitioning student ease into a new situation. Consider helping your children make friends before they step foot on campus. Help them join a community sports program, a local Girl or Boy Scout troop, or a church or community group. If you're moving to a new city within driving distance, consider joining a group early so your child can start making friends before your move date. Take the opportunity of a move or new school to share your own feelings and past experiences. "Family support is still the number one indicator of a student being successful or not," Perez says. Parents also can host a get-together in their new neighborhood so the entire family can meet new friends together and ease the pressure on the child. "They can all go through the anxiety of meeting new people together and the parents can really be there and help foster the child's new relationships and sorting out which friends would be good to have," Derflinger says. But, let's face it, fitting into a new school doesn't always happen overnight. Derflinger suggests keeping an especially close eye on a child's behavior when he starts a new school. The symptoms to watch for are typical of a struggling child: withdrawal, not playing or socializing with other children, not making new friends, a change in academic performance (usually a decline). "These are big signs the transition isn't going well," he says. At dinnertime or when driving home from school, try to engage in a conversation about how your child's day went. Instead of asking direct questions, be open to listening without giving a lot of advice or feedback initially. If the child is still reticent, then try talking when you're engaged in an activity, such as cooking dinner or making cookies. "They're sometimes more willing to talk about things that scare them a little more when they're distracted," he says. If you have an adolescent who's trying hard to become autonomous, enlist the help of a trusted adult, such as a grandparent, favorite aunt or uncle, or family friend. Perez also suggests using their requests for rides to events or other requested favors as conversation starters. If your child wants a ride to the mall or a new outfit, give him or her a chance to open up and talk about the request without asking a lot of questions. Often this helps break away from the constant "I'm fine" response to your questions and shed light on any issues your child may be having. "Parents have to find that need and go after it," Perez says. Jennifer Leuer of Yorba Linda is an education reporter. To reach her: leuer.ramus@sbcglobal.net. CAMPUS TIPS Here are ways to prepare your child for a move to a new school, whether he is entering a campus with the same school district, or enrolled because of a family move: ¨ Visit the school with your child before the first day. By the end of summer vacation, teachers and staff are often at school. Find your child's classroom, the lunch area and the nurse's office. Ask your child if there is any other location he wants to find. ¨ Try to meet the teacher and principal during your visit. For younger children, it's also a good idea to meet a lunchtime aide or janitor who can be a comforting presence during play times. Many schools plan a back-to-school or welcome day to allow families a chance to explore their new school. ¨ Have a barbecue or block party so your entire family can meet new friends at the same time and support each other. ¨ Encourage your child to invite friends for sleepovers or play dates. ¨ Find another child in the neighborhood with whom your child can walk to school or ride with on the bus. ¨ Summertime moves are the best because they allow your child to make friends before school starts. Make an effort to reach out to neighbors, co-workers with families or students at registration day. ¨ Even before you move, you can check out community activities such as sports programs, swimming lessons and scouting. This can give your child a head start on finding peers who can be friendly faces during their first few days on campus. ¨ Many schools now have websites with parent information and community links, which can help you find resources for your child. ¨ Once your child starts school, encourage them to pursue their interests either with an on-campus club or local organization, such as a church youth group or volunteer opportunity. ¨ Share your childhood new-school memories. Explain how you eventually got over nervousness and made new friends. ¨ Read a book together about scary new situations. ¨ If you've moved neighborhoods, tell your child how you're feeling. Talk about how you're coping and adjusting, how you plan to make new friends and any fears that you believe they share. ¨ Succeeding in school or sports can help boost a child's self-confidence. ¨ Consider hiring a tutor or sports pro to help them hone their skills. ¨ Always lay out clothes and prepare backpacks the night before a school day to eliminate rushing. Ask your child to help prepare a lunch and select an outfit. ¨ Allow extra time on the first day of school for you and your child to be together before they leave for school. ¨ Be upbeat and happy. Consider scheduling a special dinner or afternoon activity. ¨ Send your child off with a confident smile and a warm hug. Save time after school to say, "Tell me about your day." - Compiled by Jennifer Leuer |
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