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Early Years (2-6)
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Years ago, I clipped an editorial from the newspaper, copied it and included it in our batch of holiday cards. It was written by Bill McKibben and eventually became a book, “Hundred Dollar Holiday: the Case for a More Joyful Christmas” (Simon and Schuster, 96 pages). In it, acclaimed author McKibben espouses the sentiment so obvious in the title: Americans should drastically curtail their spending and instead of spending money, spend time with family and loved ones during the season. McKibben offers his proposal as a solution to the overspending that leaves many in debt and, no doubt, contributes to the seasonal rise in depression. Most importantly, he sees this as a way to resist the commercialization of celebration and to establish new traditions to reclaim the holiday season, to remove it from forces that have sold it to us as a shopping spree instead of a soulful time of spiritual reflection. It’s difficult. Consumer culture suggests that our value is most easily measured by what we give and what we receive, but mostly what we buy. This attitude celebrates the indulgence of individual needs and desires, and embarrasses us in its ubiquity. But in some ways it’s also easier to buy rather than to spend that other currency, the one that really means something time. And what does all this gift-giving and getting show our children? I know now as a mother of a 3-year-old that my son is made up of what I put in him literally and metaphorically. “I don’t want to raise one of those gimme, gimme kids,” I heard another parent say once. You know, the ones who see a relative or friend arrive and ask immediately for a present. What did you bring me? The ones who go shopping and sob over what they see on the shelves and, reflexively, want to put in the cart. The ones who, even after they’ve opened presents for the better part of the morning or evening, are still disappointed with what they failed to get. You know those kids. Some of us were those kids. Some of us are raising those kids. Some of us know adults who are still those kids. How can we change the gimme, gimme of the culture into something more worthy, not just of the season, but of a future of seasons we want to pass on to our children? It is the desire to please our children versus the desire to teach them: These two impulses shouldn’t be at odds but they seem to be. It’s not that hard. And you don’t have to dress them in sackcloth or treat them like Tiny Tim or manufacture homemade gifts a la the Simpsons’ overly sincere neighbor kids. The best way to teach this is to model so once again, our children or to be precise, what we want for our children, challenges us to be better parents, better people. Parents who demonstrate kindness in everyday life, and donate time and energy (and money) to people with humility (because “that is what you do,” not “look at what I am doing and how great I am”), show their children that their priorities are with people instead of things. If children see us shopping and buying, they will want to do the same. Consider how many times your children see you giving instead to others, in the community and beyond. Talk about the needs you see and ways people, people like you, can help. Show your children kindness and generosity so that they know it as a way of life. How young is too young? In the aftermath of Katrina, our nearby children’s center collected backpacks filled with school supplies for the displaced children. I witnessed my son’s 3-year-old friend arrive one morning with two backpacks and a very proud mother who explained to the teacher that, working off the list the school provided, her son took great interest in choosing the items for the packs. He understood who was going to get the goodies it wasn’t him but it was those children he’d seen in recent days, the ones who had lost their homes, their whole cities. To look at his face as his mother talked was to see a child filled not with the easy pleasure of receiving a gift (we’ve all seen those smiles and they are wonderful) but the more profound pleasure of giving a gift. It was a short self-study course in compassion, a bit of human theater, a life lesson that makes your child both teacher and student. Still, it’s one thing to talk the talk and it’s another to imagine Hanukkah or Christmas or Kwanzaa or Eid sans the usual bounty. How to preserve the magic of the season? Take charge instead of saying, “Charge it.” Limit, as McKibben says, what you spend. Simplify. Spend what matters, help who you can. Let your children learn maybe what we all need to be reminded of: It is better to give than receive. Lisa Alvarez, an English professor at Irvine Valley College, lives in Modjeska Canyon with her husband and 3-year-old son. |
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