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“One night, my 3-year-old asked me if she could sleep in my bed. I told her no. She said, “That’s not fair! Why does Daddy get to sleep in your bed?” READ MORE
Early Years(2-6)
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For many of us, summer means family vacations, those periods of immersion in the intimacy of time away and togetherness – often brought abruptly to a close when we return, sunburned and satiated, to our daily lives of work and obligation, of familiar routine and ritual. Recently we returned home from five days spent in the San Bernardino Mountains – long lazy days of trout fishing and hiking, and long warm evenings sitting up late around the dinner table. We returned to daily childcare, regular meal hours and bedtimes, but our otherwise confidently independent 5-year-old is suddenly clingy when it comes to resuming his routine. “Another kiss and hug,” he begs at drop-off time. “I am feeling sad. I am going to miss you.” It’s painfully clear that he’s missing what we shared: all that easy time together. Now the familiar playground of his peers, always full and engaging and, lately, featuring summer water play, is suddenly disappointingly absent of play pals mom and dad. It will likely last only a few days, but this re-entry anxiety suggests a microcosm moment of what awaits at summer’s end when our boy, like so many, takes that first step into kindergarten. Even for children like our son who already have preschool experience, the onset of kindergarten is something formidable. Lucky for everybody, the terrific kindergarten program at our local public elementary school anticipates separation anxiety and the challenges of adjusting. Helpfully, the initial half-day school schedule is slowly transitioned to a longer day in the springtime, making at least that transition gradual and, presumably, easier. And encouraged by school staff, we met early on with the teacher for an individual assessment and orientation Mrs. Willie welcomed us, introducing our son to “his” classroom. We sat in the tiny chairs, admired the desks, colorful bulletin boards and well-organized activity stations. We noted our son’s favorite books, waiting like old friends on the classroom bookcase. There were books on tape that he loves. We read out loud the names of familiar neighborhood students, many of whom had been older childcare buddies. The visit was also an opportunity to introduce our future student to the geographic layout: the playground, the restroom, the office. All this helped establish trust not only in the new teacher but the new place as well. Since then, we make sure to regularly discuss kindergarten and the coming changes, reminding our boy that we will all need to get up earlier (class starts at a sobering 8:05 a.m.!) and that he will need to bathe and dress himself, packing his school papers, books and lunch the night before. We ask him what he’s excited about – the new playground, drawing, the books and what he’s worried about – where the restroom is or buttoning his pants himself. Items in the Get Ready for School goodie bag given by Mrs. Willie have taken on special status. Crayons and safety scissors and workbooks are all carefully arranged on the art table in his bedroom. He now refers to Mrs. Willie as “his” teacher in conversation. When we attended a year-end meeting of the PTA, he pointed to her and whispered to me, “There’s my teacher.” Nancy Carlson’s paperback book, “Look Out Kindergarten, Here I Come,” detailing the anticipation and anxiety of one school-bound mouse named Henry (also found in Mrs. Willie’s goodie bag), is now in our nighttime reading rotation. If your own chosen school doesn’t have such a program in place, one is easily arranged by an intrepid parent and a few phone calls. But kindergarten preparation isn’t just for kids. Parents need help too. Nearly 20 years ago, I worked as a teaching assistant in a kindergarten classroom and still recall the trauma of that first day of class. While expecting fearful students, I was unprepared for anxious parents. I remember one woman in particular, the mother of twin sons. The school’s policy was to separate the brothers – one in one classroom, one in another. The boys were tearful at this prospect; many students were that day. But once the doors closed, their crying became louder. Their mother, hovering at the edge of the playground, walked to the windows to wave goodbye once more, then collapsed on a nearby picnic table, put her head down and sobbed. The twins, faces pressed to their respective classroom windows, began to howl at the sight. Needless to say, by the time recess arrived, decisions were made to reunite the siblings, lessening their anxiety. But the distraught mother refused to go home. Even after her two boys adjusted to the routine of kindergarten, the mother still hovered anxiously. Clearly this is an extreme example of separation anxiety, but it suggests that parents need to prepare themselves too. A friend recalls how her youngest son’s kindergarten teacher anticipated this. The teacher gave each parent a gift on that first day: Kleenex, a tea bag and a letter. The letter advised the parents to dry their tears, sip the tea and relax – and thanked the parents for entrusting their child to the teacher. And, of course, for those first weeks of September, as our boy spends long periods away from us in a new world of challenges and opportunities, we anticipate the disbursement of additional kisses and hugs. Lisa Alvarez is a regular contributor. |
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