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“One night, my 3-year-old asked me if she could sleep in my bed. I told her no. She said, “That’s not fair! Why does Daddy get to sleep in your bed?” READ MORE
Early Years
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Bedtime battles 'Old sleepy head,' he is not I love those sleepy children who loll about in Robert Louis Stevenson's classic "A Child's Garden of Verses." You know the ones. You've coveted them too: cherub-cheeked docile babes who pose and preen good-naturedly while being tucked in by daddy or mommy or nanny. They bat their lashes, hug their teddies and turn right over and go to sleep, never to awaken until a birdie with a yellow bill hops upon their window sill the next morning. I can dream, can't I? Well, if I can get to sleep I can. With the arrival of children, dreamland becomes... I know there are exceptions - children who have slept every night in their own beds since that first night home from the hospital. I meet their well-rested parents from time to time and I try not to... Meanwhile, nighttime at our house and perhaps yours is still a time not only of exhaustion but also... There seems to be two fronts: the getting-to-sleep front and the staying-asleep front. You know the questions. You've asked them. I've asked them. We've given answers and we're still waiting to hear strategies that will return nighttime to what it once was, filled with sleep, hours and hours on unbroken, blissful, brain-renewing slumber. Dr. William Sears, noted pediatrician, in his book, "The Discipline Book," advises parents to develop what he calls a "nighttime philosophy" and to recognize what kind of sleeper you have. A "nighttime philosophy" involves: • Falling asleep on own • Sleeping on own • Staying in bed or straying • Night terrors Assess the situation. Develop a routine that will help with the transition to bedtime - bath, book, music, quiet, creative play. Eschew the kind of evening activities that instead of winding them down, wind them up. These would include television and video games. Sometimes bedtime needs to be adjusted for the child. Perhaps lack of success is because it simply IS too early. How many of hours of sleep does the average young child need? When does your child need to be up in the morning? Sometimes the environment needs alteration: night light, music, closed curtains, open door. Often the success of a child's bedtime is determined by the discipline of the parents - we need to set the course, establish the process, model behavior. Sometimes it's hard to admit that our behavior needs to change too. Our children are jealous of the evening hours. I remember this well as a child - the injustice of the early bedtime. Why did I have to go to sleep when everyone else stayed awake? I couldn't understand this - and neither may your child. Just like the difficulty of fathoming that the world and our lives existed before them, they can't understand why we should stay up after they sleep. Reasoning helps, but it isn't everything. Clearly, it's important to establish sleep as necessary as meals. Too many times when I was young, sleep and bed were offered as a kind of punishment, instead of being explained a part of what a healthy child needs to grow. Lisa Alvarez is a regular contributor. |
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